What is the purpose of a parent? To make their kid happy? Or to help them to learn how to be successful adults?
All of us have seen that one parent and their kid that we think inside, “Oh my gosh, look at them. They’re going to get their kid killed.” Yet, there are other ways to hurt children than just not keeping an eye on them when there are cars zooming by and the little one is wandering toward the street.
Honestly, the absolute worst thing you can do for a child is try to make them happy. Life isn’t about them being happy all the time. When you strive to make sure that your child never frowns, never cries, always gets what they ask for, and basically you pursue the position of their best friend through giving them everything they want, you’ve just taught them the world revolves around them.
News flash: The world revolves around God, not you nor your kids.
I know people who have raised their children this way. You cannot say anything to their kids that makes them feel uncomfortable or that does not pat them on the back for even the most stupid thing they have done. If you even appear to be pointing out something that they need to deal with, you’ll get chewed out by either the kid, the parents, or both. It’s sad.
If you’re concerned about your child being successful and happy in life, then you really shouldn’t make them a pain free world where no one is right but your kid. When they grow up and go into the world, they’re going to be hurt…a lot. Not everything will be handed to them on a platter. If you’ve raised them to expect everyone to cater to them, they won’t survive. Because they won’t know how to deal with life, they’ll never find happiness…they’ll never find the joy of Jesus.
Now all discipline seems painful at the time, not joyful. But later it produces the fruit of peace and righteousness for those trained by it. Hebrews 12:11
“Therefore, blessed is the man whom God corrects, so do not despise the discipline of the Almighty.” Job 5:17
I know, Lord, that your regulations are just. You disciplined me because of your faithful devotion to me. Psalm 119:75
My child, do not despise discipline from the Lord, and do not loathe his rebuke. For the Lord disciplines those he loves, just as a father disciplines the son in whom he delights. Proverbs 3:11-12
The one who loves discipline loves knowledge, but the one who hates reproof is stupid. Proverbs 12:1
New English Translation
The scriptures listed aren’t even all the Bible has to say about discipline. Clearly, parents are expected to be the ones disciplining their children. The responsibility does not fall on the church, the school, or anyone else. The parents of the child are responsible.
So, why are we so afraid to discipline children? Again, we want to make them happy thinking it will keep them close to us in the long run. However, the kids I see who are the king of their world all hate their parents and cannot wait to leave them. Obviously, this plan does not work. So why keep trying to force it to work?
Clearly I do not have enough time to give a detailed list of things you must do to be a successful parent, nor do I have the qualifications for that. However, I know what works from watching and experiencing. Train up children with the understanding of who God is and who He designed them to be. Set up boundaries for them and do not compromise. You’re the parent, not them. You don’t have to meet their terms, you set the terms. Correct in love. A spanking is not abuse. It is correction in love. If there is never physical punishment, kids will never understand that there are consequences to bad decisions in life. Most of all, make sure they can see you living your faith and that you never compromise your faith based on their bad decisions. Stand strong on the Word of God and your kids will know that you are a safe space to come back to when they realize the poor decisions they have made. God was unafraid to discipline us, so we shouldn’t be afraid to discipline either.